Yellowbeard

Pirate Monkeyness

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Pirate Movie Reviews

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Yellowbeard

By:

timmoses

For some reason, no one I know remembers havin' seen this movie, despite it bein' some rare mix o' Monty Python, Cheech 'n' Chong, and swabbies from Mel Brooks movies, like Peter Boyle, Marty Feldman, 'n' Madeline Kahn. How could you go wrong? Let's find out!

Captain's Log

(wherein I relay me thoughts as I watch and drink, but I don' give naught away)

Wha' can I say? Very Monty Pythony. Graham Chapman is Yellowbeard, the fiercest pirate ever, in prison for tax evasion. Eric Idle is the Commander obsessed wit' the hidden treasure o' Yellowbeard. John Cleese is Blind Pew. Peter Boyle is the mutinous Bosun who betrayed Yellowbeard. Madeline Kahn is Yellowbeard 's wife and so far may be my second favorite character. My favorite is easily Marty Feldman as Gilbert.

Of all the pirate movies I've seen, I think this has the most accurate representation of pirate ship conditions.

Did I jus' see David Bowie? How much 'ave I been drinkin'?

Did they 'ave to send Mr. Prostitute away?

Ship t' ship fightin'. Arggh! Sword fightin'. Torture. Betrayal. What more could you ask fer?

Things t' drink to

Mr. Prostitute, topless natives, and in general, all the piratey-ness.

Things t' throw overboard

Thar be nothin' to scuttle 'n this movie. 'Tis all good ... that is if you like Monty Python silliness.

Good lines

"Are you mad, woman? I haven't got fruit in me loins! Lice, yes, and proud of 'em!" - Yellowbeard to his wife.
"Read, read, read, read! Let me tell you something - last time I read a book, I was raped. Let THAT be a lesson to you." - Betty to her son, Dan.
"Your mother's a bloody liar! That's what I liked about her!" - Yellowbeard to his son, Dan.

What to drink?

When 'n doubt, drink rum, 'n' lots of it. 'Tis wha' I be a drinkin'.
Yellowbeard drinks somethin' out of a green bottle. Could be rum.

What to eat?

I just ate some leftover pizza. I don't think that's wha' pirates use to eat. Bosun Moon cooks a fish using his hook, so fish of any kind dangled over a grill with a hook should work.

Parent Guide

Sex - Lots of talk about rape, mostly from Madeline Kahn reminiscing. Scantily clad women. Topless women!

Violence - Cartoonish violence. Lots of hitting people on the head. A little bit of stabbing, but in a fun kind of way. Torture described with a lisp.